I Reclaim My Muchness
Growing up, kids are fairly similar. We run around, making lots of noise, get caught up in excitement, dance like no one is watching, sing as loudly as we can, dare to jump as high as we can go, eat whatever we want – even dirt. And then, invariably, as years pass, we get this, this muchness, stamped out of us. Sometimes it’s scolded out of us, sometimes it’s schooled out of us. No, giraffes aren’t blue and orange. No, you can can’t make up your own haiku. No, girls can’t do martial arts. And no, making up stories is not a valid way to pass an afternoon by. And after some time we believe them.
We stop raising our hands, we stop jumping from the third step, we stop drawing, stop writing stories, and stop disagreeing (yes, goddammit, giraffes CAN be blue and orange!!!). And then we hate our lives, hate our life choices, get bored.
New years is a great time for me, I super love the entire world’s optimism of the world ahead, a clean slate. My favorite part is the looking back and regretting the time I wasted, no really, I enjoy it. It’s not so much FOMO but more of regret for doing things I wanted to do (an all day nap, goddammit or cartwheeling out the door) because it’s not what grownups do.
The thing is, more and more I am realizing, and the more I observe other adults I admire, is that this impulse to express one’s muchness is what makes them so successful, outstanding, and just overall happier with their lives. If they wanna wear red Chucks to work, they’ll do it. If they feel they need to go to the gym in the middle of the day for energy, they’ll do it. If they wanna hike in Nepal over a long weekend, they’ll do it. They toss “adult expectations” to the wind and end up doing what their inner child tells them to do anyways.
So this is the long roundabout way to my “resolution” – for lack of a better term – not just for this year but for hopefully the rest of my life. To reclaim my muchness. I’m not quitting my job or dropping my responsibilities to run away with a circus (yes, a long-held childhood dream), but I will stop saying no to the cheery voice inside my head that says, “Hey, WE can do that!” or “Of COURSE we can have a circus in the training rooms!” and “SURE you can do a headstand everyday!” instead of the dark and judgy voice that says, “Grow UP” or “No one respects an executive who wears white nail polish” or “You CAN’T hire an award-winning independent director to produce a corporate video.”
Moving to a new country, I've tried to keep my head down and not rock the boat for the past two years and I find it makes for a very unsatisfactory work life that gives me neither a strong ownership or fiery passion for the work I churn out everyday. And that’s my fault. I’d been wrapped up in some sort of mayonnaise of mediocrity and fear of failure that I’d been walking in the middle of the well-worn path. Not anymore. J I’m gonna raise my hand and speak my mind. I’m not just gonna accept the status quo. I’m not gonna blindly follow directions.
I’m gonna color that giraffe blue and orange.